The Decision Made

So to continue my story...

As the months went by, the thoughts of adoption were never far from my mind.  Then God did something amazing.  He sent me a new friend.  One who had just adopted a 9 month old from Ethiopia.  We hit it off immediately when she and her family were called to our church to pastor the youth and lead worship.  I believe we became close quickly because God knew I needed someone to talk to about this that had already walked this road.  

We had decided not to tell many people of our thoughts.  Who knew if we'd really do it??  But I did confide in a few people.  One of the first was my sister-in-law.  Bret's sister is always one of my first go-to people.  I always know I can count on her prayers.  I figured when I told her, she would react they way she always does: Loud and Encouraging.  She knows me; she knows how outside my comfort zone this is.  But she just sat there and smiled, not a bit surprised by what she was hearing.  I stopped and asked her what was wrong.  She told me that they were considering fostering older children.  What are the odds?

Then I shared with one of my closest friends about my latest mental debate.  Now her??  She flipped out when she heard my news.  Why?  BECAUSE SHE WAS CONSIDERING THE SAME THING!  Couldn't believe it.  

Still, none of these things meant that adoption was what WE were supposed to do.  I needed to be sure.  I needed to know that this was what God was leading us to do and not some hair-brained idea of mine.  (How it could be my idea when I wasn't really on board with the idea, I have no clue.)

More time passed and frankly, I got tired of thinking about it and wondering about it.  I got my second great idea: I would again put the responsibility on Bret's shoulders.  Great wife, huh?  I knew he had to be more than just "on board" with the idea. And I was fine with him saying either Yes or No.  I truly was.  I just wanted an answer.  But Bret was BUSY, so busy that I wondered how God would ever get through his busy brain to "tell" him what we needed to do.  I knew that God could do anything, but our timetables weren't matching up and it was making me impatient.  

I decided to do what seemed the most logical at the time.  I decided it was not going to happen any time soon and put it on the back burner of my mind.  Or at least I tried to.  Bret and I had a few conversations about it.  He wanted to wait till he wasn't having to travel so much.  I agreed, but there was no guarantee when that would happen or that it would happen at the same time the adoption was finalized.  We didn't know what we were going to do or when.

Then Bret went out of town again.  And for some reason, the adoption was weighing unusually heavy on my mind that week.  I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I kept reading verses during my quiet time that seemed glaringly aimed right at me and the topic.  I couldn't really talk to Bret about my thoughts because I didn't want to have that type of conversation on the phone.  

He arrived home from Sweden on a Friday night.  We didn't have a chance to talk about much of anything that evening.  The next morning, before we could talk about what I had been feeling all week, Bret tells me, "It's a matter of when, not if".  I was stunned.  Turns out God had been working on both of us that week. 

And so it was decided.  Just like that.  

Here We Go...

I'm pretty sure this is one of those things I said I'd never do.  I love to read blogs, but writing one?  Nope.  But as with many things in my life, I have done the exact thing I said I'd NEVER do.  

So.  Why am I starting a blog?  Why would I do this when there are so many already out there?  Well, it's because I can't remember squat.  Tis true.  It's bad.  And I have many more years of life ahead of me to get even more forgetful.  (At least I hope I have many more years ahead...) I am doing this so that I will have a place to document my thoughts, feelings, actions, fears, prayers, and praises.  Sounds like a really interesting read, doesn't it??  Probably not for you.  But that's okay.  It's mostly for me...and maybe a few others that can put up with my ramblings.  (There are probably 3 or 4 of them!) 

The reason I want to document all these intriguing thoughts (and I hope there are many) is because Bret and I have decided to adopt.  (Yes, Heather, it's true.  You really are doing this.)  This is a big, BIG thing for me and I'm nervous about it.  I know this is what God is leading us to do and so I'm on board, just doing so with white knuckles at the moment.  

This all started in the Spring of 2011 when I started having thoughts about adoption.  I quickly dismissed them because I'm pretty sure I said I'd never do that.  I definitely said I was not having more kids and this is kinda the same thing.  But the thoughts wouldn't go away. I wasn't too worried about it though because I had a secret weapon.  I would say something to Bret, he would look at me like I was crazy, tell me "Uh. No.", and we'd be done with the topic.  I was relieved to put the responsibility of forgetting it onto his shoulders.  

So one night, in a casual sort of way and while we were both in the middle of something else, I said, "So, what do you think about adoption?"  He stopped, looked at me, thought a moment, then said, "I'd be open to that."  Then he continued on his way while I tried to keep myself upright.  I couldn't believe it.  

Okay, now.  I know ya'll are just sitting on pins and needles wondering what happened next!  But you'll have to wait.  It's late and I'm tired and there's much more to type in order to get the whole story written up to this point.  

Nighty, Night!